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In the bestselling tradition of Your Erroneous Zones, a prominent psychiatrist identifies the top ten character flaws that undermine our chances to succeed in life, including time-tested ways to overcome them.
Are you addicted to being right? Do you need to point the finger of blame toward everyone but yourself? When you get angry, does your upset quickly escalate into a state of raging indignation? Then you, like many others, are suffering from character flaws that have undoubtedly held you back in your work, relationships, and life, says Dr. Louis Tartaglia.
In Flawless!, Dr. T. identifies the ten character flaws that have cropped up most frequently in the thousands of patients he has seen in his practice over the last twenty years. In order of frequency, the ten flaws are
*Addicted to Being Right
*Raging Indignation
*Fixing Blame and Nurturing Resentments
*The Dread Seekers (Worry and Fear)
*Resisting Reality (Intolerance)
*The Poor Me or Martyr Syndrome
*Self-regard Run Riot
*The Excuse for Everything -- Inadequacy
*Fault Finders, Hypercritical Pessimists
*The Trap, Chronic Dishonesty
The good news, says Dr. T., is that character can be improved by working on the behavior that undermines it. Using case studies from his practice, colorful anecdotes, and prescriptive advice, he demonstrates how we can get unstuck and live a more peaceful, productive, and happy life.
"Character flaws are just holes in our soul," Dr. T. writes, explaining that filling in the holes is one of the most priceless exercises we have to grow.
- Sales Rank: #2214681 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Eagle Brook
- Published on: 1999-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x 6.25" w x 1.25" l, .95 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 255 pages
Features
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
"A must-read." -- --Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager
"A priceless jewel." -- --Robert H. Schuller, author of You Can Become the Person You Want to Be
"Dynamic." -- --Jack Canfield, coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul
About the Author
Louis A. Tartaglia, M.D., is an author, psychiatrist, addiction medicine specialist, and the director of the Tartaglia Mind Technologies Institute. Dr. T. has a wife and five sons and lives in Sylvania, Ohio.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Flawless
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF YOU ARE POSSESSED BY A FLAW?
Be careful; this is worse than just having the flaw. Here the flaw has you! Anyone of the following may be diagnostic!
1. Do you find yourself "upset" when you need to be calm?
2. Do you lie when it would be better to tell the truth?
3. Would you rather be right even if it wrecks a relationship?
4. Do you hate accepting responsibility and blame others even when you know you are wrong?
5. Does resentment feel like a perfectly normal civil right?
6. Do you worry about things you can't control?
7. Do you fear even when there is nothing to worry about because it feels normal?
8. Are you intolerant of people who are not like you even when you are interested in knowing them?
9. Do you use the excuse that you are a victim whenever it is useful?
10. Do you try to force others to do things your way because you want them to like you?
11. Do you cop out with inadequacy even before you have tried your hardest?
12. Do you love to find fault and share it even when you are aware that it will hurt someone else?
13. Did you graduate from law schdol or become a politician?
14. Last but most important, do you find yourself using your most common flaw even when you don't want to?
If you're like most of us, you are constantly dealing with people who would rather be right than happy. They are that great class of unfortunate souls who are incapable of admitting they are wrong. They are convinced that their way of living, their way of doing things, is best. These characters wish that the rest of the world would get with their personal program. Then, according to them, everyone would be better off.
Or maybe you have a boss or coworker with a flash-point temper who gets enraged over the silliest things. Some of you might have a spouse or partner who blames you for his or her problems. Do you know anyone who prefers criticism over solutions, or who relishes nurturing resentment? These people have character flaws.
The truth is that everybody has them. Some of us have more than others. You may notice you have them too. I know I have my share. Don't worry if you happen to see your flaws surfacing as I describe them. That is a sign of your own open-mindedness and willingness to get a handle on your problems.
We are a society that is enamored with defective character. We watch thousands of hours of TV and films where the leading role is portrayed by an imperfect character. We watch celebrities, politicians, and stars on and off the screen with an almost morbid fascination for their defects: J. R. on Dallas, Jeffrey Geiger on Chicago Hope, Diane on Cheers, or Abby on Knots Landing -- the most flawed people seem to be among the most captivating. Perhaps in their struggles we see ourselves.
Great individuals with high character also have glaring faults. It is precisely because they have such high character that their flaws stand out. The common perception that good people have fewer flaws is wrong. It is not a matter of more or fewer flaws. It is the willingness to change them that counts. If you read the lives of saints and sages you will find that they too had to discipline themselves to improve their character. It is in the process of working on your flaws that you develop great strength of character. Strength of character is what this book is about.
Some people, you may have noticed, deliberately cling to their defects of character. In fact there are many who hone their flaws in order to be in control or have power over others. As much as some hate to admit it, there are evil people in this world who use character flaws to get ahead and dominate others. These individuals have always been with us. Our modern, allegedly enlightened society seeks to reform them, even when it is obvious that there is no willingness on their part to change. As a society we have become fascinated with the dark side, like sunbathers who bask in the shadows.
Copyright (c) 1998 by Louis A. Tartaglia
Most helpful customer reviews
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful.
chockfull of good horsesense.
By Cipriano
We all have character flaws, it is an unavoidable fact. We all have idiosyncracies that hinder us at times, and sometimes downright debilitate us! Not only do these flaws make our own lives disappointing, but they make those around us wish that we were not around them! Dr. Tartaglia shows us that these flaws tend to travel in clusters. They spin out of control and perpetuate themselves... "You only need to get one flaw going and the others automatically join. When they are all working in combination you are out of control. When they are out of YOUR control, your life becomes unmanageable."
The "flaws" he examines in this book are very... commonplace. If you honestly ask yourself the 19 questions he places at the beginning of each chapter (why 19? I don't know), you will SURELY find yourself saying "Wow, hey, I do that all the time!" Or, conversely, you will say, "No, I have a lot of problems, but this is not one of them." Make a list. Take notes. It's terribly interesting what you find out about yourself as you read this book. And it's so educationally beneficial and satisfying to place other people in those places that don't apply to you. "Oh, I know someone that is SO EXACTLY LIKE THAT!" etc. etc. You can photocopy those chapters and send anonymous letters!
The chapters conclude with good practical pointers on how to overcome flawed behaviour patterns. The author is witty and has definitely been around the block a few times in his observations about human behaviour. Flawless did not strike me as being notably PROFOUND though... it was just a lot of well-organized common sense, and toward the end it was starting to bore me. But it is always good to be reminded of the importance of common sense, and this book is worth the time.
13 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
Not Quite Flawless...But Pretty Good
By A. Wolverton
After reading the first two chapters of Tartaglia's book, I thought the information was given in somewhat of a shotgun approach: a little bit of everything was coming at me. It seemed that the information was good, but I didn't think the organization (or perhaps the flow) of the material was helpful. Either Tartaglia changed or I got a better handle on his style. Starting with the third chapter, my interest increased all the way until the final chapter.
Tartaglia has submitted ten character flaws for discussion. There's a little something for everyone. The chapter titles are: 1 - Addicted to Being Right, 2 - Raging Indignation, 3 - Fixing Blame and Nurturing Resentments, 4 - The Dread Seekers - Worry and Fear, 5 - Intolerance, 6 - The Poor Me or Martyr Syndrome, 7 - Self-Regard Run Riot, 8 - The Excuse for Everything-Inadequacy, 9 - Hypercritical Fault Finders, 10 - Chronic Dishonesty - The Trap
At the very least, I can assure you that if you read the book honestly, you will learn some things about yourself that you won't like. But Tartaglia gives some good advice on what you can do about these character flaws. He often relates the remedies to Biblical principles, which I appreciated, although I'm not sure that I agree with some of his interpretations. If you are honest with yourself, you'll learn something about yourself and your worldview after reading Flawless.
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Fascinating!
By A Customer
"Dr. Tartaglia has done it! FLAWLESS is a fascinating, realistic, practical guide to happiness. In fact, in a world of illusory promises, his may be the only reliable prescription for peace of mind and contentment. I do know for sure that this prominent psychiatrist has put his finger on exactly the reasons so many bright individuals fall short of the success they are seeking. Fortunately, this book provides us with many inspiring models for success and with the tools that we can use to fix the flaws that are holding us back. Dr. Tartaglia leaves no doubt that we do indeed have the power to change our lives, to create new selves, and to take charge of guiding our own destinies." --Scott DeGarmo, Former Editor-in-Chief & Publisher SUCCESS Magazine
See all 15 customer reviews...
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